You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
