Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
