Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
