Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
