Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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