What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize