i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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