Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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