well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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