Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
