Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
My pussy is not your playground.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
