I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
