got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
