Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'm going to jail i love you
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
