Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
