Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
