On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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