We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
