You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
