I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
