You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
