We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
