my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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