We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
