Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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