I'm eating all of the evidence.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
