he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize