Just cropdusted the office
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
