After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
