I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
