I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Randomize
