You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize