I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
