i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
organizing the empties. That sober.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
