just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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