True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
