i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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