One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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