too bad you live with your parents still
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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