dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
