She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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