Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
