Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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