Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
