My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
