Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
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