Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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