she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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