I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
