allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
