For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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