We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
