Me. At least after what I've been through.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
