hotel room ftw
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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