doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
