You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
