he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
dude. I can hear the air.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
