My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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