How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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