then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
