I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
