I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
