But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
