I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
