listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize