I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
